I have a toddler, so I watch a lot of Disney movies. They get me thinking sometimes about how the rest of the world must view the activities of the characters in these films and, furthermore, what the news headlines would look like if people actually tried this stuff. So, just for fun, here are my takes on the news headlines for all those Disney flicks that happen in times and places where they have newspapers.

#1: 101 Dalmatians

Eccentric DeVille Heiress Torn Apart By Dogs

#2: The Jungle Book

Wild Child Institutionalized

“The Monkeys Want Our Fire”, Claims Boy

#3: Peter Pan

Darling Children Fall to Deaths

Parents Used Dog as Babysitter, Authorities Claim

#4: Alice in Wonderland

Innocent Girl Addicted to Opiates

Governess Under Investigation

#5: Lady and the Tramp

Wealthy Couple Under Investigation for Child Endangerment

Wild Dogs, Rats Found in Infant’s Room

#6: Pinnochio

Deranged Woodcarver Arrested for Kidnapping

“He’s a puppet I brought to life, honestly!” claims accused.

#7: Dumbo

Cut-rate Circus Bankrupted by Elephant-Lifting Crane

Ringleader still insists ‘Dumbo’ can fly.

#8: Blackbeard’s Ghost

Local Track Coach Murdered By Mob

I could go on. Got any of your own?